


Descent into madness

by Nagiru



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: (unbeta'ed), Gen, Insanity, Non-Explicit Torture, Spoilers (not recent), and it is not romance, but it may be perceived as slash I guess, non-explicit murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:39:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13345230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nagiru/pseuds/Nagiru
Summary: Sanity is an ailment, but madness is a process.





	Descent into madness

**Author's Note:**

> So, I... actually wrote this back in 2015. Waaaaaaay back in 2015, right after the last big hiatus that Hoshino delved in. It's not totally up to date. It's not totally unthinkable either, since D.Gray-man has been in a lull ever since. I still enjoy the idea of this story, so...
> 
> Well, short, important notes before it starts: this is a story about Mana and Neah, told by Neah. It's all about how Neah went from being Mana's brother to being, well... Neah, the 14th. So. That's a warning, okay? Also, spoilers (not too recent, but. Spoilers).
> 
> Hope you enjoy it ^^

Neah smiled, leaning forward to observe those so familiar, so dark eyes, and that lopsided, bright grin that made his  _ dear brother’s _ face so  _ special _ . So alike, yet so different. Unique. The touch against his cheek was warm, soft,  _ other _ , and he touched it back, fingers brushing upon his brother’s hand.

“Say, Neah,” called Mana, with that sweet, naturally innocent voice he’d always had — always so full of curiosity, so full of happiness, so  _ clear _ ; it was childish, perhaps, but so much  _ more _ , and it always brought a warmth to Neah’s chest. This time was no different, smile widening warmly as he hummed inquisitively back at him, eyes never straying away from Mana’s face. “Do you think we’ll go somewhere tomorrow? Mother promised.”

_ Of course _ . Neah sighed soundlessly, irritated with the mere mention of their “mother”. Katerina had started… to  _ forget _ , despite all warnings. Neah did not enjoy these results, not a bit. Mana…

But, Mana needed him, right then, and Mana would forever be so much  _ more _ than Katerina; much more important, much more dear, much more  _ needed _ , so Neah smiled softly, pulling Mana closer until they were united by their fronts, noses brushing up in that intimate way that Neah preferred to be. It might be more intimate than usual for brothers, but Neah saw nothing wrong with that. After, it was  _ Mana _ . And Mana…

“Do not worry, Mana,” he murmured softly, comfortingly back, with that soft smile that existed for Mana only. “Even if we go nowhere, we will be together. That is all that matter, is it not? You and me,” he continued kindly, tangling his fingers into Mana’s soft hair.

It worked like magic, and Mana smiled even sweeter than before — more charming, more enchanting, and so much  _ brighter  _ than ever. The touch on his cheek became a soft caress, and Neah knew his words had worked.

Of course they did.

Neah simply wished for it to work forever.

 

Katerina kept irritating him. She had been touching Mana as if he were  _ hers _ — Mana did not notice the difference, thinking it natural, laughing and leaning against her, simply  _ happy _ with the attention, ignoring the real reasoning behind this new behavior, always so  _ naïve _ .

Neah knew the truth. Neah knew the error in that judgmenet.

Mana was  _ his _ .

Neah left the room frowning, wishing to hit something, needing to  _ hurt _ something, but holding himself in. For Mana. Mana would not like him to hit anything. He’d not hurt anything.

But…

(Mana… Mana was  _ his _ ).

 

He smirked slowly, observing the way that the figure under him twisted and contorted with fear, eyes filled with tears and the dark madness of terror. Katerina had never felt as  _ fulfilling _ as in that single moment.

"I had nothing against you, you know," he whispered with dark sweetness, dropping to his knees at her side, hand searching her cheek automatically, thrill thrumming under his skin with the feeling of pride at having caused her fear. "Before, we  _ enjoyed _ spending our time with you. We even  _ liked _ you, really. You just... weren't  _ enough _ ," murmured, cold and sharply, hands firm on her cheeks, fingers digging deeply in her skin. "You never were. And you were soon to leave us, either way. We needed someone who would never leave us, who would never betray us."

She trembled desperately by now, and he petted at her cheek and neck, fingers tangling in her curls and feeling her fast pulse under his hand. She was so  _ scared _ , so  _ terrified _ , it made him feel  _ alive _ .

"So, we were born," he continued, smiling coldly at Katerina. "And you were a  _ great _ mother. But Mana... You were the one who decided to raise us as your children, do not ever forget that. Mana is not our old self. Mana is not  _ yours _ . Mana. Is.  _ Mine _ ," he stressed hissingly, raising his bloody hand, pointing his knife to Katerina's face. "Are we clear?"

His smile grew into a pleased grin as Katerina whined in fear and nodded carefully.

 

Not many weeks later, Neah was annoyed once again. Apparently, just one single night visit was not enough.

He gritted his teeth at the sight of the intimate touching and glances that were exchanged in front of him. He would have admired Katerina's bravery — were it not such a  _ stupid _ gesture.

That was no bravery anymore... It was clear suicide, by now. She had just signed the beginning of a war, and one he would not back away from.

 

A week later, Mana found him besides Katerina's body. She was tossed against a tree, a blood drenched towel wrapped around her body, and an open cut on her throat. And Neah, by her side, wearing the mask he'd chosen to adopt as a reminder of their past.

Neah hadn't expected Mana to be  _ happy _ , of course. He was closer to Katerina than Neah had ever been, even before she started desiring what was his. Even so, however, Neah hadn't expected Mana to be so  _ upset _ about it, either.

Behind the mask, Neah frowned, watching how Mana fell to the ground with desperate, maddening eyes.

"This was for you, Mana," he murmured confused, a confession that should never be doubted. "She died for you."

Mana looked up at Neah, and his eyes — they were  _ empty _ , dark, the eyes of a stranger, filled with tears and madness, and Neah... Neah felt hurt. Neah felt  _ betrayed _ .

"Mana...," he called frustratred because, no.  _ No. _ They made this choice for one reason and one reason only.

"This is all your fault, Mana," Mana motioned soundlessly, eyes maddened, before he started laughing histerically.

Feeling hurt and needing to calm him down at the same time, Neah took off the mask and knelt down by Mana's side, hugging him tight, a hand deep into Mana's hair to force him to lay down on Neah's shoulder, while Neah caressed him with the same fingers that had taken the life of the woman he now grieved.

"I'm here for you, Mana," he whispered, lips against his front in a kiss never given. "You are not alone. We are in this together."

Mana raised his crazy, empty eyes to Neah and, for a moment, seemed to recognize him, taking on a darker, closed look — irritated, depressed.

Neah felt a budding annoyance once again.

 

For the next weeks that extended for longer than a month, Neah almost wouldn't see Mana, who spent more and more time away from Neah, with a group of people that Neah recognized not with his eyes, but with his soul.

The Noah family. Mana was taking his position as Earl once again, and he was leaving him behind. He was  _ abandoning  _ him.

That could not be forgiven. Couldn't. Mana was his. They should always be together. They were a single person, they could not be taken apart. They couldn't. Mana had to be with him, by his side, being his.

_ His _ .

 

Neah couldn't understand. This was all his fault (all  _ for _ him), so why was Mana so pissed at him? Couldn't he see? These intruders were trying to take them apart, separate them; they were disturbing them. If Mana had never gone to them  _ alone _ , Neah wouldn't need to finish the competition off.

He wouldn't need to be  _ here _ , seeing this girl — Dreams, the first born — trying to  _ protect _ Mana from him. He didn't need to ask if she understood, it was obvious she didn't; she was just an intruder.

Neah frowned, but walked away. He'd deal with her later, in time. He'd finish his massacre later.

 

Mana was furious with him, and that hurt Neah. That was treason. Treason, treason, treason. Mana couldn't hate him. They were the same. Hating him would be the same as hating yourself. Killing him would be the same as killing a part of yourself.

Neah's sword never finished its movement, never reached its target. Neah would never kill Mana. He could kill any other Noah (intruders, hindrances), and he could even  _ make war _ with Mana. But never kill him. No, never kill.

Mana was his, after all.

 

Neah couldn't understand.

Stuck as he was, as little more than essence, he couldn't understand. Mana... Mana hadn't stopped. Mana had killed him.

The pain of being stabbed, of having his heart ripped apart (stopping. After millennia of existence, almost 3000 years already. Millennia of being the Earl of Millenium. Decades of being Neah, a separate being from Mana — millennia of existence, decades of being, and his heart  _ stopped _ , for the first time), was nothing when compared to the pain of the betrayal.

_ How could he? How could Mana do this? Killing him... Killing himself...? _

But then, Mana hated himself as well ("This is all your fault, Mana D. Campbell"). Mana blamed himself — for Katerina's death, for the Noah's massacre, and now for Neah's death.

But Mana couldn't blame himself. He did not own enough of himself to blame himself, after all. He was Neah's. Mana was  _ his _ .

Mana had still to understand that.

Neah felt his essence rolling in a vortex, pulled and attracted to another. He knew this essence... knew this feeling.

He opened an immaterial smile, eyes resting over a familiar body.

Allen. Allen, who'd offered him support. Allen, who'd been his friend. (Allen, who'd been his Katerina). Allen, who understood that Mana was Neah's. Allen, who was open and perfectly available to receive his essence, receive his soul. Allen, who'd allow him to heal and then would offer him his own body.

 

Allen that, somehow, became a baby once again (must be a curse, at this point. Must be his essence. He was once called the Master of Time, and now it showed. However unwittingly). Allen, who, with a struck of luck, found Mana. Allen that had forgotten. Allen, to whom Mana taught the Noah language, the one that moved the Ark.

Allen who, for some trick of Fate, received an Innocence, those mysterious (and hateful) things.

Allen who lost Mana (and such a clever trick. Faking his own death). Allen who met the Earl, who summoned an akuma of the Mana he once met and the Mana he lost — the Mana who was human and who raised him as a son (certainly,  _ way _ too clever).

Allen, who abosrbed a piece of Mana, becoming less of the Allen they once knew and more of the original Earl, a genuine mix of Mana and Neah.

(Allen who, for a while, was called Red. Thankfully, Mana was broken enough to name his dog after Neah's only friend. Broken enough not to see he difference between a memory of that friend, his dog, and that friend as a child).

 

(Mana was broken).

 

Neah was still too weak, so he couldn't manipulate too much of Allen, but he could trust old promises.

Thus, Cross Marian took Allen in and raised him as he should, protecting Neah's new body in exchange of the magic that was taught to him. Training his body so that it wouldn't be a hindrance to Neah when he took over in exchange of having his own time delayed.

Cross Marian was an important pawn, and a bridge. He had been Mana's friend, and he owned Neah a few favors.

In Neah's perception, he was perfect to prepare Neah's return.

 

To keep up with the training, to keep his body in perfect conditions and ever growing, Neah had to put up with the Black Order, full of exorcists aiming to kill akumas, Noahs and the Earl.

If they only wished to finish his job (Dreams never quite died, now that he thought about it), it would be okay. He didn't care about the akumas — they were simply pawns, disgusting and annoying as they were —, but Mana was  _ his _ . And he was also part of the Earl existence.

However, at least like this, Neah managed to see his Mana. His beloved, dearest and broken Mana. It was only a matter of time.

 

(And then, he'd fix him).

 

In 3000 years, the Earl of Millenium only disappeared once. In his place there were two babies, raised by a human woman as siblings — Mana and Neah D. Campbell.

(But they were not. They were so much more than brothers).

(... Neah did not know at which point he stopped being the Earl and became the Fourteenth. He enjoyed his new title — "the Musician" —, however he was still the Earl, in all that mattered).

(... Mana was  _ his _ . And Neah... Neah was Mana's).

**Author's Note:**

> So, I actually wrote this in 2015, right after the last big hiatus, when I had the sudden urge to write this. Mid-progress, my idea burned out, and I only finished it a month later — I still enjoyed the end result. I simply... lost the the story until recently, when I typed it out and decided to _finally_ translate it before I could lose it again. For a while, I wondered if I had to change much in the story... and then I realized that, after those couple chapters, Hoshino actually left the whole debacle of Mana and Neah being the Earl together to the wind, and we're still quite informationless. Yey. Thus, I like to think that my story, while not completely canon-compliant, is not actually part of an alternate universe.  
>  (I do know that, despite what it seemed like, Katerina actually survived that one scene where she was bloody before the Earl's mask, and Mana was broken on the ground. It happens. I didn't want to change it, because it would mean I'd have to change too much of the story after that.)  
>  **Original end notes (from back in 2015):** This is not a romance, nor is it something I usually write, but it was interesting either way. I tried to imagine reasoning and feelings behind each action took by Neah while taking into consideration all the new information we were given, and tried to fit it in with all the facts still missing. I also tried to tie up a few loose ends.  
>  Anyway, I tried to represent possessiveness, the "you are me, we are me" that Neah seemed to have. I tried to show how Mana ("the Earl of Millenium") lost its mind and broke to the point he is today. Mainly, however, I tried to think up how Neah himself went broken and mad without even noticing, midway. How he kept seeing Mana's madness, without ever seeing his own.  
> Oh, right, I also tried to think up a reason for why Allen became a child once again, and why Cross doesn't grow old and is still young despite being called "Mana's friend" — also, why he knows how to use the Earl's magic.  
> I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
